running to stand still on the phone Yesterday I had everything in mind and I wanted to write, but I was cooking the potatoes and pie waiting for friends to dinner, nothing to do. Now it's Sunday morning and I remember maybe half of what I thought of yesterday, floating distracted when grated cheese and chopped carrots. Not that he was then crab, thought. That the pie was rather good.
one week is listening sentimental songs and popular. Recovery of the classics and ballads, the slow moving pieces and songs tardoadolescenziali. I do not give up at nothing, and after passing through Vecchioni and Mietta, and Lunapop and Kenny Rogers, and others, and others, I got an old tape of U2, a mixture of several albums that I listened to once before falling asleep when I was sixteen and sad. I ritrovaro one of my favorite songs of self-pity: Running to stand still. I have always ignored the text, the title was enough for me. Yesterday I heard once again busy in the kitchen and I think Serena and I realized how little has changed in me from those days. Same whining self-pity, the same feeling of helplessness and cowardice. Probably I speak in these terms because they preparing new year (or the argument, but I prefer to think of new year), and obviously I need to digest, swallow something. The day before yesterday morning I was tired of bad wine and sour, I did not study and I found myself placing the mail in 2005. Leggiucchiavo here and there and extracts from letters, filing and ordering. I discovered things I did not remember, and especially a comment by Dario, a friend who did not attend more than once, and I wrote, so I know you always fall on their feet. It 'too trivial, but it was right then, and today as well and will probably have reason to always fall on his feet, but I do not know enough.
There are some things I believe: I believe that we should not all be artists, is not natural. I do not think it necessarily has anything to say. I believe that intellectual ambition hides most of the time the need to be recognized and appreciated, and that the efforts of many in this direction is motivated by the need to base the lower and visceral, are implicit requests for attention. I think the leadership is needed to reach compromises that do not want to participate, I think I have no need for gratification of this kind and to live happy and strong enough to myself. I swear, I think of all this, but I'm afraid to lie. I'm afraid to use these milestones to ban myself to dare to take risks. I will manage it always, always stand and fall as he wrote Dario. But it is That's what I want? Sometimes I feel just too scared and cowardly to deal with my desires and the world. I'm running but I remain firm, and I labor the days pass, but does not change anything inside of me, because I can not and may not want to commit myself in the challenges too great. I'm afraid of losing them, and having to rebuild from scratch. Sooner or later I'll have to deal with this node: sit down and think.
Then come the holidays. 
